Sometimes good things happen in prison. I have observed inmates go through some changes which seem to have allowed them to remain out of prison. The inmates who seem to have made the most significant changes were not the ones you would think; not the ones who have gushed-out the stock phrases about having "seen the light," or "I’m a better man now, for this experience in prison; I’ve paid my debt," etc. These are usually the ones we long-timers see return to prison. No, the ones who seem to really learn are those who come to prison and become disenchanted with their lives in and out of prison. Those who don’t commit suicide seem to undergo a slow, but sure, transformation.

The first phase seems to be one where they realize how "alone" they actually are. .even in the midst of the prison crowds. They look around at all the hateful happiness; the sneers, leers, loud, confident laughter and rude exchanges among well-adjusted inmates. You can almost see the revulsion in the faces of the truly changing inmates. These people seem to edge further and further away from the mix (inmate social interaction). These individuals seem to develop a vacant gaze that stares at nothing, sometimes at the ground, or at areas clear of the possibility of having to confront or be confronted by other inmates. They obviously turn inside themselves to gather treasures they previously had sought from outside themselves.

The inmates who rank highest success in staying out of prison seem to be those who appear to be empty inside; no treasures. These are the men who have lost their loved ones to the "life goes on" syndrome where the outside free world family and friends go on with their lives inadvertently without looking back at their loved one in prison. This is usually a gradual process on both parts. This being abjectly "alone" seems to shrink the spirit--if not the very soul--of the changing individual.

This isn’t as painful or horrible an experience as it may seem to be to the uninitiated(never having served time in prison). In fact, rather than losing some vital part of ones self, it would seem merely to be a · "pruning" or trimming of excesses within the changing inmate’s character. While the capacity for love diminishes inside this type of person, also, so does the capacity for hatred. The art in this is learning to "Bonsai" the passion tree inside ourselves, but not kill or distort the tree beyond recognition.

So, in essence, this inmate-type does not translate his realization of being "alone" in this life as neither a tragedy nor blessing. It’s just a breaking-down of illusions previously held which had affected the person to behave in a reactive manner when people, places, and things did not meet up to his expectations. Lasting change does seem to take place when the somber grays of the deprivations of life in prison seem to tune-out the harsh black and white thinking and feeling that cause people problems within themselves and in their interactions with others.

This doesn’t mean that prison is a desirable or verifiable tool of success for providing positive psychological adjustment to produce socially acceptable, adaptable behavior (this was the "rehabilitation" dream). However, it could probably be labelled as a form or phase of psychological or emotional maturation process, which has become highly popular to the general public to protect them from the "bad guys."

And this goes on in the Menninger spirit of "All that can be done, is being done...," regardless of the high potential, many more times than not, for the "cure killing the patient," psychologically if not physically. The reference to "psychological death" is in the context of desensitization and dehumanizing. This seems to be the result or somewhat demonic by-product of the "hybrid" values of both prison and the free world outside of prison. It might reasonably be compared to the maturation effect and affect of military service in war-time on the front lines.

Also, it seems to me to be a lot like "frying eggs... fry them too ‘hard’ and they get rubbery; fry them too ‘soft’ and they are slimey." Prisons "fry" personalities," in my opinion (and--believe it or not--the length of time served is not the primary factor involved in the "frying" process), at least in those persons who retain and maintain a consciousness level beyond simple survival and pleasure-seeking cognition. The person who thinks and reflects objectively runs the higher risk of change, both positive and negative.

In fact, it might be fun to construct a "how not to" pamplet for people coming into the prison setting who do not want positive change. The premise would be based on the understanding that human character is not static but rather dynamic; change must occur however pronounced; people gather pluses and minuses in their personalities which sums up the person they have become and are becoming at that point in their stage of human growth and development.

HOW NOT TO CHANGE, while in prison...

Hey, Mammy-jammers! Beware of the "soft-assed" muhfukers who will try to "break you down." Stay hard, mah brothers and dudes! Don’t "G" (go) for all that "follow—the—rules" bullshit! Dat’s for all ‘dem sof’-ass pink bitches (white men) and Oreo-ass, Unka Tom niggahs (black men who are black on the outside and white on the inside).

Stay away from religious services unless you want to play the visitors (take advantage of the outside volunteers) or need a place away from the "man" (Correction Officers) to play your punk or do your dirty deals (dope transactions) with other players. Just don’t get caught-up in that "spiritual growth" bullshit, because it will make you "soft and weak." You’ll get ate alive in the real world if you play into that religious shit. Keep it a game, and you’ll feel no shame! If you can get game to jump-off behind a religious facade, then go wid’ what you know, bro! Check out the Muslim gig! Just don’t get carried away with the Koran! There are established brother cons who can interpret everything in the Koran to suit your purpose; racism, hatred, lying, cheating, stealing. Any of these skills can be justified through "holy" Scriptures.

This traditionally works for any religion, but the true radical can function more legitimately within the parameters set in the prison rendition of Islam. Here again, don’t get caught-up in the real teachings of the Koran, or any other accepted/recognized religion or faith, because it can awaken a conscience within you and you will suffer intolerably; you will lose your ability to stay on top of things as a player rather than being played (the ability to victimize rather than being victimized).

Another pitfall is to trip (think deeply) about what prison really is.. .keep it shallow! Remember that you will be out there again, and you can make the whole world pay for "dogging-you-out!" Ain’t nothing but a lay-back; "three hots and a cot" until you return to the line (streets) as a bigger, badder muh-ther fuk-ker! You can let the world know you "Ain’t No Joke!" Just learn how to "bit" (keep yourself entertained while you are serving time in prison) on weaker inmates; keep stepping up the player ranks. Be a dog! But don’t fuk-up with bigger dogs! Wait your turn; you’ll get there on top. Just slow-walk the gigs, man! Stay on chemicals, man, so you don’t...